This last decade I’ve walked away from a few friendships where I have witnesses people running others down, complaining, gossiping and being negative behind others backs. I realised lamentingly so, that they were doing the same to me, as I could see the repetitive pattern. I saw that they were very unhappy in their own lives. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t fix their own lives instead of talking about everyone else’s; it clearly shows me more about who they are.
There were the outright lies too, even sometimes aimed at making me look lesser that I was, this was concerning, yet gave me insight, and the truth about such friendships. I also recognised that these people liked to control everything and everyone around them, and sometimes bully their needs and wants above my needs, without too much insight of how it was to be on the receiving end of such actions. Some were very kind and generous, others greedy and self-centred.
Someone that truly loves or cares for you in friendship will want to build you up, not knock you down. They will respect your worth, your boundaries, allowing you to be your authentic self and to speak honesty with clear communication.
From my history this last decade I see a sequence, of such friends you often hold the closest, simply giving you the silent treatment, if you hold your ground, refusing to allow them to have power over you. Two have hung up, refused to talk with me ever again, because I had boundaries, and could not be bullied. And another has just refused to say what it was I did, as in the last conversation, I refused to take sides, this person, actually told me I had to choose between them and another, as I could not in their eyes have both of them in my life as friends, incredible isn’t it?
These people will talk to anyone else that will listen, and spin stories, without a hint of remorse for their one eyed tales. Easily spotted with wisdom, and hindsight, most of their sentences start with “I really love so and so, BUT.” or “So and so is a beautiful person, BUT.” or “I really like so and so, HOWEVER.” From now on if I hear the “but” or the “however”, I will be detaching from such people.
It’s naturally human to talk about others at times, so be grateful, kind, and graceful, if you do so, choosing your words with care. It’s also more awake and aware to talk about your ideas and others ideas, to talk about events, talking about others just brings you down, it’s not operating at a higher level, choose to practice your values, walk your true path, even if its alone at times.
It’s regretful to know that people who do gossip will always gossip about you too, what others have to say, think or feel about how I live my life does not really effect my happiness. I made a hard decision, it wasn’t easy walking away, but I figured if I didn’t value myself more then who would?
I do know one thing that has become very clear I only wish to have friendships that truly nurture us both, were there is respect, honesty, and true intimacy. I have a lot of people in my life but I would rather just have a small circle of those that I trust, and know they enjoy my company as do I there’s. We have all experienced disappointment’s and deep hurts from friendships, that’s a part of life, yet we have great opportunities to learn much from each and every one, it’s how we get to know who we are, and if we are honest with ourselves, as we grow and develop spiritually, we will clearly see the chaff from the grain, sift it, and know what was valuable, and carry that with you, and ever so gently blow the rest away, with compassion and love in your heart.
I am truly grateful to these people who showed me, that even though I was grateful for the friendship, parts never felt comfortable, and one thing I have learnt above all else is to learn to trust my intuition even more, as when we don’t, we take a side path on our journey, and sometimes end up in the rabbits burrow, before realising we went in the direction opposite to where we were originally heading, yet always happy for the lessons learnt.
I am writing this to work through this process and to teach my self the art of not talking about others. It’s a practice I value dearly and hope to be able to do. I step forth from this last paragraph positively living in my imperfectly human way to give it my very best. So mote it be!